


The Long Way Home

by that_shipper



Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/F, Memories, Missing Scene, Post-Captain Marvel (2019), Wives, life changing cunnilingus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 04:07:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18612820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_shipper/pseuds/that_shipper
Summary: When Carol looked at her in the middle of the dance floor, her cheeks flushed and her breath coming fast and hard, those electric eyes boring into her, dark with blown pupils; Maria felt her knees buckle with the pressure of her gaze and the unfathomable question in the air between them.-They kissed once before, and Maria was too terrified to admit her feelings. Now, she hopes they might have a chance to be something more.





	The Long Way Home

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea immediately after watching Captain Marvel and started writing that night. (Then I put it off for too long.)

Maria didn’t know if these little intricacies of Carol’s were new, or if her memory was altered through the years apart, faded like the photographs scattered around the house. Both thoughts chilled her to the core, though she didn’t know which was worse- the old Carol slipping away from her, or the fact there were things she hadn’t noticed before. The fact that there were rivers and valleys of Carol that she had yet to map. 

She knew the curve of her body, of her smile better than she knew herself, but there was something different now. It pained her to think that Carol had changed, but she had, Maria knew she had. 

The muscles, once barley visible despite her hard training, were showing through, toned and practiced. The hands she was so familiar with that were calloused and cracked from work to match her own, were now smooth and unblemished, like all the imperfections had been ironed out. 

She knew too, that blue blood ran through her veins.

Carol was beautiful, as she was before, but different, more. It was as if everything she knew and loved was amplified tenfold, and Maria was on sensory overload from six long years without her, to this larger than life Vers suddenly so present. She was ethereal, untouchable and godlike. The casual displays of power began to make Maria shift, uncomfortable in her own skin, like it’s very use, now so integral to her identity, brought her further and further away from the person she knew before.

It was stupid to think of these things, she knew, when Carol laughed beside her and took Monica in her arms as easily as before. Part of her wanted to hate her for coming back after so long, for not remembering, for bringing a war with her. But she couldn’t, of course she couldn’t. How could she when her world stopped turning when Carol was away? 

 

She thought of that night often- more often than she would like to admit, but now that Carol was back, real and warm and present in her life again, she couldn’t help but let her mind drift to the memory. 

It was at the bar after their first real mission, their first time in the air testing Lawson’s planes. They were drunk off of the experience, off of each other. She didn’t think she had more than two beers, yet there they were, until closing time, singing awful karaoke versions of Alanis Morrisette and Queen. She usually had to drag Carol up but not that night, she leapt at the chance to climb upon the stage, take Maria’s hands in her own, and sing endearingly off key. 

There was an energy crackling between them like electricity that whole night, something Maria had never quite felt before. It was like there was something unsaid between them, as if they were sharing a secret, though she didn’t think either of them were quite aware of what that secret was. 

When Carol looked at her in the middle of the dance floor, her cheeks flushed and her breath coming fast and hard, those electric eyes boring into her, dark with blown pupils; Maria felt her knees buckle with the pressure of her gaze and the unfathomable question in the air between them. 

Carol drove home, her eyes trained on the road. Maria drove to the bar, but didn’t trust herself to now, not with that look on Carol’s face and the reaction it had on her, like every cell in her body was vibrating. Maria examined her face in profile, the moonlight painting her in soft blues and purples. With the silence of the night and the empty roads, the sound of the engine seemed to roar in her ears. 

Monica was with her grandparents but they still stumbled into the house whispering, the darkness and quiet cricket song influencing them. Maria was also worried that any loud noise might scare Carol off, change that look on her face and send her running like a wild animal. 

It was stupid of course, she never knew Carol to run from anything. Still, there was a quiet intimacy that she didn’t dare disturb. 

They ended up in the kitchen, facing off over the counter. Maria watched as Carol shed her leather jacket and flannel, laying them between her and Maria, like a dare, the white of her tank top stark against her tanned skin. 

“Another beer?” Carol asked when Maria’s jacket followed hers. 

“I’d go for another.” Maria said, leaning against the counter on her elbows as Carol fished around in the fridge. 

In the end they split one, Carol pouring it out int two glasses, since she knew Maria didn’t like to drink it straight out of the can.

She follows Carol to the living room and drops on the couch beside her. 

It’s closer than they’ve been all night, Carol’s legs thrown carelessly over Maria’s lap, and she can feel the heat acutely everywhere their bodies touch. 

“Today was amazing.” Carol said, meeting her eyes again. “Seeing the world like that. I never thought I’d get to.” 

“Me either.” 

“When you finally broke through the clouds, it was like…” 

“The world was finally silent.” Maria said, tripping over the sentence just remembering the feeling. “Like the world was finally at peace.”

“I’ve never felt anything like that.” Carol was closing her eyes, like she was back there right now, like she never got out of the plane. 

“Me either.” She echoed before. She placed a heavy, deliberate hand on the bare skin of Carol’s ankle. 

They had touched before, of course, a hundred, million, times, but none of it had quite felt like this, the air between them thick and charged. Maria could hear her pulse in her ears.

Carol’s eyes opened, followed Maria’s hand as she carefully slid it to her knee. 

Carol shifted and sat up, she was suddenly worried she had done something wrong, stepped to far and crossed a line she wasn’t sure existed, but Carol just sat up, and her knee was pressing firmly against her own. 

Carol’s hand was raised slightly, as if in defence, but she simply grasped Maria’s and placed it carefully above her heart where she could feel it beating against her skin like a drum.

“You feel that?” She says, and Maria nods, not trusting herself to speak. “That’s how it felt when I was up there too.” 

She releases her hand and Maria, moves it up to Carol’s neck, her thumb gently rubbing the soft skin there. There’s something rising in her like water, and she feels her throat close up with nervous energy. 

Maria’s hands never shake, she wouldn’t be flying if that were the case, the army drilled it out of her, but if this were before all of that, she knew they would be. 

Carol’s hand’s are just as steady when she brings them to either side of Maria’s face. They were drawn together like magnet, and their lips, hesitant at first, met like it was the most natural thing in the world. 

She had that feeling of flying, the stillness of the air, then Carol began to move, pressing them closer together, their lips meeting with the intensity of unruly waves crashing to shore. 

Carol took control easily, and Maria followed her lead, any self consciousness falling away. She swung a leg over Carol to bracket her hips, separating their lips for a moment. Carol took the opportunity to kiss down her neck and the collar of her shirt. 

Carol brought their faces together again fiercely, repeating her name like a mantra. 

“Maria, Maria, Maria.” 

She didn’t know how long they continued like that, making out like teenagers, too afraid too go any further, on that old lumpy couch, but she woke up sometime in the early morning with sun streaming in through the window, and felt Carol still warm and heavy with sleep behind her. Carol’s arms were tight around Maria’s middle and she couldn’t remember the last time she slept so well, since before Monica was born for sure.

 

The next day, they hardly had any time to be awkward around each other. Maria’s parent’s woke them up early on the couch, bringing Monica home. Carol put on a pot of coffee and things, for the most part, went back to normal.

They got super busy with work, training and flying almost every day, and then with Monica, there was hardly ever a chance to talk in private. And if anyone at work noticed something was off, they kept it to themselves.

It had been so long for Maria, since she’d been with anyone, and she knew that Carol was the same. The thought terrified her. She made up so many excuses as to why it happened, but above all she knew Carol didn’t take things lightly. She put so much into everything that she did, and she wouldn’t risk their friendship for something as simple as being lonely. 

She knew too, that there was an aching in her heart, that there was a terrible kind of hurting that she dare not name. 

 

Maria had known Carol for over ten years. It was so simple for her to move in with her and Monica, they already spent so much time together, Carol had been collecting a drawer of stuff in the guest room for years. And when her lease was up on her shitty apartment, neither of them saw any point in renewing it. 

That feeling for Maria, was there long before that. Maybe the first time she introduced her to Monica, and Carol was so gentle and kind, and Monica took to her like mud to a pig. Maybe that’s when Maria first felt her heart tug like that. It was easy as anything letting her into their home. 

And it was just as easy falling in love with her.

After that night, it was like something had changed. She had nothing to blame for it, and no way of hiding her feelings anymore. Maria felt like it was written in permanent ink on her forehead, and Carol, or anyone for that matter, could read it plain as anything. 

Carol tried to bring it up twice, once the morning after, and Maria had brushed it off, her parents were still over with coffee and she announced that she would make pancakes. And when she asked later that same day she said that she needed time. 

What she really said was “I need some time to think.” It was awful of her, she knew, but it broke her heart to see Carol moping the way she was, she couldn’t help thinking she was just waiting to leave. 

She saw her looking up to the sky more and more that week. 

“I just want-” Carol was careful with her words, she could see her thinking, the gears turning in her head. “I’m sorry. Just, talk to me when you’re ready. You know you and Monica mean everything to me.” 

She selfishly didn’t want anything to change.

If Carol refused her, she didn’t know if she could take it, living in the same house. Knowing. She knew they had to talk, but they had the rest of their lives to do that. Now they were busy with work, and she just wanted to live with the fantasy a little while longer. She wishes now she had said something. 

Carol was dead within the week.

 

It was her second visit, five long months since she left to do God knows what to the Kree leaders. She was just the same as before- Lord help anyone whoever wronged Carol. 

Maria didn’t even jump at seeing her again, with no warning. It was so easy falling back into old habits it hurt. 

Maria was in the kitchen this time, fixing lunch for Monica when there was a familiar heat behind her, a faint smell of ozone. 

“Got something for me?” The voice asked, right behind her ear now. 

Maria just turned wordlessly around, folding right into her arms, and Carol hugged her back, easy as flying. Her body was like a furnace, still cooling down from the atmosphere or the recent use of her powers. She breathed in the smell of her hair and kissed her on the forehead, her lips lingering a moment too long. 

“Maria.” Carol said, a quiet exhale like she hadn’t meant to say it at all.

Maria thought about that a lot too. 

 

Carol had time now, more time than they had when she was here last dealing with an alien invasion. Maria was face to face with her feelings again, being with Carol almost every moment of the day. 

When Maria had to go to work, Carol stayed behind and looked after Monica, took her to school, and every day she came home to the smell of food on the stove. 

She couldn’t say it wasn’t nice. Of course it was nice, it was amazing, but there was a quiet part of her screaming for more. For just a taste of what they had that night. The feeling was there, ever present, dense and hot in the pit of her stomach. 

She felt it every time Carol brushed by her in the tiny kitchen, her skin itching for more contact, she felt it when they sat together on the couch, their thighs pressed together, hot and electric. 

The worst was when Carol said goodnight. It was an old habit of theirs, Maria staying up late at the kitchen table, worrying over the smallest things, little problems in her work or looking over bills, or even over a book - if she had the time to read. Carol always went to bed early, passed out as easy as anything when Maria was tossing and turning for hours. 

The first time she did, with Fury and Monica still in the room, Maria couldn’t believe that she remembered. That they had taken so much from her, and there was Carol saying goodnight, just as she always did, like no time had passed at all. 

She reached over, a soft hand on the side of her face, and pulled her head toward her just enough until she could press her lips to the Maria’s temple and the spongey curls that grew there. 

It felt wrong, too personal in front of Fury, but it was even worse on her own, when it was just her and Carol and Maria’s defences were down. She was sure then that Carol could see the longing plain as day on her face. 

Now, when it was just the three of them again, she felt like she was drowning with the full force of Carol’s attention. 

 

It was getting to the point where she could hardly even sit next to her, her heart would tighten like a fist, and she’d have to lean away, make some excuse or sit Monica between them, using her child like a dam in an attempt to hold back the dangerous flood of feelings that flowed freely from her.

One Saturday morning at breakfast, after dropping Monica off at a friends, Maria reached for the newspaper and her fingers briefly met Carol’s. On instinct or surprise, she yanked her hand away like she had touched a hot stove. 

She knew Carol noticed, could see the hurt in her eyes as she drew her hand slowly back to her coffee. 

“Do you want the crossword?” She asked quietly as an apology. She knew it was what she was going for anyway. The paper crinkling was too loud in the silence of the room. 

Carol finally caught her eye, and Maria couldn’t hold the forced smile.

“Are we ok?” Carol asked softly. 

And God, there was much more tenderness in her voice than she deserved. 

“What do you mean?” She asked innocently, her voice wavering, just on the brink of breaking. 

“Maria,” she said in that soft stare way of hers. “I know you. We live together. I can tell when you’re avoiding me.” 

Maria sighed, looked down at her clasped hands. She didn’t want it to come out. She knew that it would, eventually, but she had hoped she would have more time with Carol beforehand. That she could live in her own fantasy a little while longer. 

What killed her the most was that, it wasn’t like anything had even happened. Nothing that girls at her college hadn’t done at a party before. There wasn’t even anything to discuss. 

And yet…

“Is this about something I- forgot?” Carol said carefully, her tone even despite the pain in her eyes.

“No.” Maria said firmly, she didn’t want Carol to blame herself, but of course she would, she was that same self sacrificing asshole that she fell in love with. 

“I don’t know.” Maria says after a beat.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Carol reaches across the table to take her hands but Maria’s move reflexively, almost knocking her coffee over. 

“You won’t even let me touch you!” Carol doesn’t yell, she never has, but they’ve argued enough for her to know when she’s upset. 

“I’m sorry, I just- I need time to think.” 

“You need time…” Carol repeats, her voice steady. “Is that what this is about then?

“About what? What do you mean?” 

“That night. After our first mission.” Carol is speaking deliberately slow, and each word hits her like a hammer. “I remember. I never-” 

“You remember?” Maria stops her, her heart racing, terrified of what she might say next. 

Carol softened at her tone and her eyes dropped to the table in front of her. 

“When I was on Hala, I used to dream, to see flashbacks… They couldn’t take it all away from me.” 

She’s quiet for a minute, the silence stretching. 

“They couldn’t take you away from me.” Carol says, just barley above a whisper, but as fence and real as if she had shouted it. 

Maria was too stunned to reply, the air shot out of her lungs. She tried to meet Carol’s eyes but she neatly avoided her gaze. 

“So I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable, or I pushed myself on you I just-” she did find Maria’s hand now, and took it in two of her own. “You and Monica. You are the only real thing in my life, you’re the only thing I know, and I can’t- I can’t lose you.” 

“Carol I-”

“No,” she said. “I know you don’t- I understand, please just, don’t push me away because I don’t know what I’d do.” 

Maria’s vision blurred with tears, and she tightened her grip on Carol’s hands. She saw that her cheeks were wet too. 

“Carol I didn’t want to bring it up because-”

“I know, please just-”

“No,” Maria pleads, “Listen.”

She brings her lips softly to Carol’s warm knuckles, and her wondering eyes meet Maria’s for a few glorious seconds. 

“I didn’t want to bring it up because I thought it meant nothing to you. I was worried- terrified that you would move on, leave me and Monica if you knew how I felt, how I always-”

Carol stood, pushed the table aside like it was made of Styrofoam. She threw her strong arms around Maria’s waist and tugged. Maria’s fisted her hands into her hair and tried hard not to cry into Carol’s neck. 

“You mean,” Maria whispered into her hair. “all this time you-”

“Always.” Carol pulled back slightly so their cheeks met. Her breath, so close to her ear sent shivers down her spine. “I think I loved you since the moment I saw you.” 

“Carol…” Maria breathes out, a response that meant nothing, and everything. Carol held her tighter because of course she understood, she was the only one who ever could.

Carol moved so that their foreheads just touched, and Maria could feel her hot breath ghosting on her lips, could breathe in her air. 

There was a heat between them, rising like steam from a kettle, and Maria thought she might die right there.

Maria kisses her, and her lips remember.

“I love you too.” Maria said into her lips, the hard slide of them not nearly enough. “Fuck, Carol I-”

Carol kissed the words out of her mouth and followed them with her tongue. Her hands flew to Maria’s cheeks and held her steady. Maria's back pressed firm to the hard edge of the table now, yet Carol kept pressing, dug an arm under her knee and lifted her onto the table top like she weighed nothing. 

The maneuver parted their lips for a moment and Maria could see the energy crackling in Carol’s hair. She watched it gently glow and rise as she ran a hand through it. It was hot and electric to the touch. She had seen Carol’s eyes glow when she used her powers, it had terrified her, seeing her disappear like that. Now, with her, Carol’s eyes were still her own.

Carol claimed her lips again and parted Maria’s legs to stand between them. Maria could feel the power, the energy in her fingers as she placed firm hands on her neck and into her hair. 

“I want-” Maria murmured as Carol’s lips roamed her neck. She couldn’t form the words to ask, they died in her throat. 

Carol looked up at her through those dark lashes. 

“Come here.” She said, tugging her in at the waist. 

Maria let out a huff of surprised air as Carol lifted her with ease, but her legs wrapped unconsciously around Carol’s torso as she walked away with her. She felt very much like she was in some harlequin romance, and she meant to protest, she really did, but the look in Carol’s eyes stopped the words in her mouth. 

Maria’s body blocked her vision but Carol didn’t falter; her feet knew the way.

Maria landed hard on her back into her unmade bed and Carol followed her slowly, with a careful deliberateness she hadn’t felt in the kitchen. Her kiss was gentle, holy, and Maria followed her lead, both hands exploring the muscular expanse of her back. 

Carol parted just far enough to look at her, and blood rose to the surface of her cheeks, making the skin there a little blue. She was flushed, Maria thought, and she reached up to touch it and feel the heat of her skin. Maria liked knowing that it was her doing. That Carol had lost control because of her. That there, in her flushed skin and swollen lips, lay the proof of it. 

Maria took the opportunity to flip Carol onto her back, and cage her in with her body. 

Carol laughed, full and heartily, like she used to, and pulled Maria back in, kissing her on a smile. 

Maria’s heart swelled, nearly burst out of her chest. She could hardly believe that this was happening, with the years of aching for it, it was a miracle that she was here now, a miracle to know that her longing was two sided all along.  
Carol stretched to kiss down her long dark neck. With the morning light streaming in, Maria’s skin shone a deep caramel colour as Carol tried to work a mark just above her collar bone, worrying the skin between her teeth.

Maria held her breath in anticipation as the warm puffs of air travelled back up her neck, and behind the soft shell of her ear. Carol took her face in her hands gently, almost reverently, and Maria watched the her hair float delicately towards the ceiling, charged with protons. She wondered how she had ever been scared of her powers. She saw her now as she was. She was just Carol- beautiful, funny, invincible Carol: first, last, and always. 

She claimed her lips as easy as anything, like she had done it a hundred, thousand times before. Maybe she had, in some other life, for it felt like breathing to her, how simple yet revolutionary it was. Her lungs filled with Carol, her mind raced with Carol. She could feel Carol in her bones, her soul, and where her body ended, Carol’s, like an extension of her own, began. 

“I want to see you.” Maria whispered into what little space was left between them, her fingertips stalled on the hem of her shirt. 

Carol pulled it over her head in answer, exposing all that toned golden skin in one fluid motion. 

Maria sat back on her heels to really look, and her eyes followed the hard lines of muscle and bone, juxtaposed to the soft curve of her breasts. 

Carol reached out to her, but Maria stalled her hands. 

“Wait,” she murmured, “Let me look at you.” 

Carol’s hands fell to the mattress above her head, and her self conscious smile turned hot and needy with Maria’s gaze. 

Maria’s hands, as if of their own accord, followed suit, tugging off the thin yellow t-shirt she was wearing. She watched Carol’s eyes darken, her pupils blown wide as she pulled the sports bra over her head too.

Carol stalls at her skin, asking for permission, daring to hope, and Maria leans down to kiss her fiercely in response. Her hands are hot and firm on her body, trailing every dip and curve along the bare skin of Maria’s torso. 

Maria, in earnest, begins to know Carol’s body, soft and pliant under her explorations. 

Carol pulls Maria into her and uses the momentum to flip them again, bracketing Maria’s head with her arms. Maria smiles up at her and claims her lips again, hard and needy. 

She feels the wight of it between them as Carol cups her breast, as they lie, not completely naked- but in all the ways that count. Bare of the secrets and the worries and the fear. All those years, Maria thought, all those years she was killing herself for feeling this way, and here they were; fitting snug together just like a puzzle piece. 

She feels new, born again under Carol’s hands. She’s the first real thing Maria has ever felt; she knows nothing but the feel of her skin. 

Carol’s every touch has meaning, rings true in her very soul like some ancient holy scripture. 

When she slots a long firm finger inside her, it was like Maria’s world righted on it’s axis. Her world stopped turning, all those years Carol was gone and she didn’t realize until just now. When her tongue followed Maria’s head flew back in ecstasy.

With Carol’s tongue on her, like some small miracle; an act of God, Maria’s world kept turning.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> As always, if you liked this leave a kudos or a comment to let me know!


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